Where Love Dwells
by Raserei Hojo
Summary: Kuja wonders about love and where it comes from, why people wed, and why people care. He finds out, a bit too late. One shot.


No matter how many times he had gone through his romance novels, and no matter how many times he sat with the audience and watched a love story unfold on stage, he never quite understood what love was. He had even gone as far as looking it up in the dictionary, but that didn't help much. A bunch of words didn't make the word concrete; they held no meaning to him.

"A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness."

Who would want those feelings? They would just get in the way of everything! Why would anyone want to spend the rest of their worthless lives together with someone, even though the marriage might not last? Who in their right mind would spend so much money on a wedding dress or fancy tuxedo? Not Kuja.

In Desert Palace, Kuja spent most of his days wondering what kept Zidane and the group together. According to the dictionary, it could be love, or it could be trust. But based on Kuja's mind, it couldn't be both. But there was, ever so small of a chance, that it could be both. He would give anything to know for sure.

Flipping through the pages of his dictionary again, he found the definition of 'trust.'

"Reliance on something in the future; hope."

At least this was more concrete, but it was still talking about the future. With an angry sigh of frustration, he slammed the book shut and put it back on its dusty shelf.

"Why am I so curious to know what love and affection are? I don't want it, and I don't even need it." He shook his silver head and stared ahead at the stone angel and devil statues in the room. "And what are these?" he questioned, strolling over to his two sculptures. "Are they not a symbol of two opposites? Good and evil?"

He couldn't help but feel that he would never know; but that didn't stop him from studying the humans and his fellow Genomes.

The Genomes were so lifeless, they stared at the pool of blue light which 'eventually' would become red and ebb their pain. They wasted their lives away, doing nothing but standing there. They knew not the passage of time or even the flow of water. Perhaps, if they were soulless creatures, they did not know the pain of living fully, or what it was like to breathe in deeply, and your body automatically telling you _somehow _to exhale.

If he was like the other Genomes, he would never be able to experience love. The thought of such a thing terrified him, but he would never show it.

The Genomes did have hope though. If they stopped watching the light, maybe they felt that Terra would die. Maybe there was a reason they stared so forcefully at the pale blue light, resisting the pain that came to meet them. Maybe they knew…they knew that somehow, Terra could be saved—at the expense of the Gaians of course.

And then there were the humans.

"Those stupid humans, they're living so freely! Even though the Iifa tree could purge all of them of their souls, they refuse to acknowledge it, and they refuse to succumb to Terra's will. What makes them so strong? What makes them think that their fate hasn't already been sealed? What makes people think the way they do?"

He walked through his palace, wondering why anyone would give up their very life for something that wasn't even alive, like their home planet. Kuja wouldn't, he would blow it up if he could. He hated Terra with an unmatched passion.

He thought about how there were all sorts of couples, and many of them were strange. But none of them mattered; none of them lived his life. All he needed to take care of was himself, and then everything would be fine. Perhaps he didn't need love after all.

"I just wish that I could know what makes people feel… good inside. To smile when they are around the person they 'love' and admire."

Weeks, or maybe even months later, Kuja wrecked havoc on Terra. He finally rid himself of that planet, but he was so angry that he was going to die! How dare Garland favor Zidane over him! How dare that old man make Kuja's soul mortal! Kuja had plans, he was going to free himself from Garland and try to live a normal life. Everything was ruined by a few words spoken by Garland. He would get his revenge, somehow.

But… Zidane had beaten him. Not killed, just wounded. Not wanting to lose entirely, Kuja cast his most powerful spell: Ultima. The bolts of pure energy flew about, striking everything in its path, even its caster. And he fell.

Tattered and bloody, Kuja lay in the depths of the Iifa tree. He didn't know why, but he used the last of his magic to save his brother and his friends from Necron. They needed to live. They had something to live for, at least. Kuja had nothing, at least, that's what he had believed.

But even as he closed his eyes, ready to die, he heard Zidane's voice.

And what in the world was he thinking! Come down into the Iifa tree? To save Kuja, of all people? The one who nearly killed him at least twice? Insanity! Simply pure insanity!

In a few minutes, Zidane was there by his side. Kuja stared blankly at him, nearly hating him for coming. "I told you to go." He turned his head, scowling slightly. Zidane had never listened to him anyway. What had made Kuja believe Zidane would listen this time? Zidane couldn't even adhere to his final request? His death wish…

As Zidane talked, Kuja realized that Zidane… cared? Yes, Zidane did care for Kuja and his well-being. But how could Zidane care about such a filthy, unworthy creature such as himself? He had been filled with rage not even an hour before now, and Zidane was so…forgiving. He silently thanked his brother.

Kuja closed his eyes and allowed the numb feeling to take over his body. "I finally realized what it means to live. I guess I was too late," he murmured. He had finally found what it meant to live, but it really was too late. The darkness overtook him, and his life ended.


End file.
